my darkness

So not too much to update on. I have been working too much to really have much of a life. I have decided that I would end that train-ride-to-hell, though. I put in my weeks notice tonight. I just cannot do this anymore. I feel like I have been lied to, and I actually WALKED in on my "trainer" (I use that term VERY lightly) talking bad about me and my husband- who she saw for all of 30 seconds. Plus she ditched me so that she could go to a party. I would have liked to have given two weeks but I have a hard time believing taht I will actually make it through one.
I do have another job(s) on the horizon. I have been "hired" at a local coffee shop that just opened that I am in love with. But sue to the fact that they just opened the have a lack of business, meaning a lack of available hours. But allegedly once that picks up the job is mine. We met for an interview the day after I had interviewed and accepted the job where I am now and I LOVED the place. Very funky, downtown feel. Plus they are talking about adding a line of snack/desserts so I am right up their alley. I cannot help but plot the list of goodness that I will SLOWLY spring on them so that they believe that this is their idea. Heeheehee.
Miss Blue has taken to mommy going to work better than expected. Dubs... not so much. He is being increasingly difficult and seeking out trouble so that he can have extra attention. I am not sure how to handle this. I recognize what he is doing and I am trying to give extra snuggles, and cuddles, but I am so tired when I get home its all that I can do to eat and go to bed. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and thank GOD it is finally coming into view.
Husband and I however I am not so sure of. I spent a little money yesterday , ($40.00) and since then he has not spoken to me. Except to tell me that I can pay my own car payment from here on out. The car that we agreed to buy when I was not working a year ago. One big enough for our family. It's like he was waiting to pull this and I take it. It seems like everytime that we start doing well, he pulls the asshole card and we are back to square one. What he forgets is that I am working now and making the same as him. I hate to pull this, but if he keeps yelling, bad mouthing, and treating me like shit one of these days I will not be here anymore. He will kill every last bit of love that I may have left. I can only forgive so many times. Someday, I will be happy again.....
But the quiet is nice especially since at this moment in time I have nothing to say to him. And I have already figured out what I plan on saying to him. I will simply tell him that he has lost the right to speak to me. I will not listen to him any more. And leave it at that. Maybe when he can grow up and treat me with the respect that I deserve then I will talk to him again. It sucks but I am so tired of it. Everyone says that it would be better if I left. Where the hell would I go? What would I do? What about the babies? There are too many what ifs right now. So I will work. And put away some money for when the love runs out......
I guess I had far more to say than I had expected. Venting reall. I had to share the great darkness that I carry. I will share more at another time.